It’s funny how life works. At the end of last year I was devastated when I found out that I would need to take time off of school in order to pay an outstanding balance that I had no idea was accruing. I went through every scenario thinking about how I was going to come up with the money. And then I started thinking about how far that would set me back in the program and how long it would take before I could even start taking classes again. After a while, I started to wonder if it was even worth the trouble at all.
It didn’t take me long to realize… it wasn’t. While I do intend to pay the school the money that I owe them, I decided that I’m not going back.
I know…the decision shocked me! I said, well, what do you mean you’re not going back? Just that. I’m not…going…back.
And even as I write these words now, they scare me. Well, what are you going to do?
I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something. Are the thoughts that ran through my head.
New Year’s Eve rolled around and I decided to tell my boyfriend the good news.
“I’m not going back to school,” I said as chipper as could be.
He didn’t share in my excitement though.
“What do you mean you’re not going back?”
“Just what I said. I’m not going back.”
I made up some story about having too many student loans and basically how school was costing me a fortune.
Well, I didn’t exactly make that part up–it’s true! School is costing me a fortune and I have accumulated a lot of student loan debt.
But, I inserted that part into the story as an excuse. I really just don’t want to go back.
When I thought life was giving me lemons, it actually turned out to be giving me an opportunity. An opportunity to think this through. To think about, is this really what you want to do?
I answered, “No.”
Well, that’s it then. Put your time into something that you really want to do. Go at it full force and don’t stop until you get it.
This is all new to me. My life has never been as simple as, “that’s it.” What do you mean, “that’s it?” It can’t be that simple. But I think that it is. My life could have been as simple as, “that’s it,” but I made it complicated by worrying about what others would think of me, doubting myself and wondering if I could ever have a career doing something that I really enjoyed. I made it complicated when I placed too much emphasis on what people would think about the choices that I made. My life became complicated when I failed to make a simple decision– when I became afraid of making a mistake.
So when life gives you lemons, take em’! They might turn out to be a pleasant surprise.